Saturday, September 26, 2009

The Nasal Emergency May Strike at Any Time

I am coining a new phrase. You’ve heard of a sneizure (a rapid and uncontrollable series of sneezes). Now you will know the Nasal Emergency.

Those with severe allergies know the Nasal Emergency. You are in a meeting, just about to make a major presentation, far away from the nearest box of Kleenex (or your tissue of choice). Suddenly and unexpectedly, your nose begins to run. Not just run, sprint. As though the bell had just rung on the last day of school.

This is not a situation where you can lightly sniffle or discretely dab your nose with whatever piece of fabric or paper happens to be within arm’s reach. No, in a true Nasal Emergency, you have no choice but to run pell-mell to the nearest tissue box, paper towel dispenser or bathroom stall and hope the nasal tide hasn’t reached your chin before you are able to mop it up.

Sadly, I have experienced many a Nasal Emergency in my day. However I have learned from these experiences, and now I am never more than six feet from a Kleenex box at any time. I station boxes strategically throughout my office, home and car, and always bring a fresh box with me to every meeting I attend.

Were I to become a celebrity, you can bet that all of my contracts would include one demand. Forget the brown M&Ms, the rare Champagne and the 24 bars of Ivory soap. Every venue at which I performed would be required to provide me with a dedicated attendant who would be always at the ready to offer me a fresh sheet of Kleenex with Lotion at a moment’s notice.

Because even celebrities are not immune from the Nasal Emergency.


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